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Placebo Gazette #120

(Keeping Our Finger On The Prostate Of Medicine)
 
1/23/09

1.      You've Got An STD!

2.      Seizure Later Ted Kennedy 

3.      I Get My Healthcare At Walgreens

4.      Too Fat To Fight

5.      Placebo Journal Update

6.      SCHIP Off  The Old Block

7.      Finally A New Shipment Of MRSA Shirts Are In!

8.   Feedback About The Placebo Gazette 

 

1. You've Got An STD!


On the lighter side of medicine, a new E-card is available to send your partner an email telling them you gave them a sexually transmitted disease. The online partner notification system called inSPOT was created primarily for gay men but it is spreading to the heterosexual world. Thank goodness. That just opens up all sorts of possibilities to poke fun at this. Here we go:

  1. "Remember last night when I said you have nice abs? Well, you do, but now you also have crabs."
  2. "Maybe we will date some more, get married and have babies but until then I think you should know that I have a roaring case of scabies."
  3. "Don't be mad and get all out of sorts but I thought you should know that I probably gave you genital warts".
  4. "It was a one night stand and I am glad to get rid of ya' but I thought I should tell you that you now have chlamydia."
Anyone out there got any more? I may have to put this in the next Placebo Journal. How about a free subscription for the best response?
 

2. Seizure Later Ted Kennedy 

Ted Kennedy is going to die soon. He has a malignant brain tumor (glioma) and it has a bad prognosis. Like him or hate him, it doesn't matter. It is just a reality. Most patients in that situation usually are in hospice care but not Ted. I defer to my last posting on the Senator from Massachusetts about putting his money where his tumor is. I explain there that he can't make healthcare policy that controls costs and then charge the country millions every time he comes up ill due to his cancer. Well, it happened again yesterday. Good old Ted had a seizure at the inauguration of President Obama. The announcers on TV stated that he travels around with a team of physicians. Funny, not many of my brain cancer patients have a team of physicians with them? Ted is supposedly doing fine and will be out of the hospital soon after the best and fastest care was given to him at the Washington Hospital Center. In a future healthcare system of rationing and cost control, which Kennedy is promoting, will the general public get the same care as Ted?

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3. I Get My Healthcare At Walgreens


Walgreens is moving to become the "place" to go for healthcare. They are pitching their in-store clinics and company health centers to government and corporate employers nationwide under the brand of "Complete Care and Well-Being". The participating employees can get everything from a check up, dental work, and discounted prescriptions. They even would be able to get 15% off private-label items such as toothpaste and diapers. Wait a minute. It sure seems like they are just trying to get patients into the store so they can sell them the other items. Isn't that a conflict of interest? Where is the self-referral laws against that? Anyway, Walgreens is positioning this as way to control healthcare costs. They have been buying up retail clinic and work site companies (Take Care Health Systems, I-trax, Whole Health Management) for the last two years to prepare for this. I am not a fan of the fractionating of health care which retail clinics lead to. My hunch, however, is that these places are losing a lot of money. Maybe when the economic news was better these clinics could have all the time they needed to build up slowly and succeed. I think a lot of the big companies sponsoring these clinics are getting a little twitchy and doing whatever they can to hedge their bets. Walgreens attempt at making deals with big employers is an end run that takes the choice of care out of the employees and puts into their bosses hands again. I can just see a major company telling their workers that they can see their regular family doc or internist but it will cost a lot more than seeing the NP, PA, or "Doc-in-the-Box" at Walgreens. Maybe it is time to take the healthcare out of employer's control? That is unless you want 15% off your condoms or Budweiser every time you see your healthcare provider?

 

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4. Too Fat To Fight

It seems that the U.S. Army is turning away a lot of applicants because they are just too fat to fight. I can be more political correct and say that the BMI of many of these folks are above the standard deviation needed to be an effective military personnel. Whatever. The point is that one general is trying to do something about it by envisioning a pre-training program to "transform chubby trainees into svelte soldiers". This is brilliant! Here is why. Over the past four years 47,447 potential recruits flunked induction physicals at the nation's 35 Military Entrance Processing Stations because they were overweight. That number is astounding and speaks volumes about our country's health. Maybe we shouldn't be getting rid of gym in schools, huh? I also know that the military will tinker with the recruit's height a little to give them a better BMI in order to get them in. In other words, the ones that don't pass are really out of the wiggle room zone. By forming these fit camps, many recruits will join just to lose weight and get in shape. Who knows if they will even go on to the military once they start changing their body? That is why the military needs to charge for this. They can make it for everyone and make it hip. It could offset some of the huge amount of money that the military costs us. This sounds crazy but it isn't. Set up "pre-boot camps" for pre-recruits and for regular people as well. Brand it and expand it. This general is a genius.

 

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5. Placebo Journal Update

 

 

We are going to print soon with the next issue of the Placebo Journal.  You have only until Jan 30th to make the deadline!  Don't miss out on such items as
    • Cyberchondrimatch - online dating
    • My Favorite Munchausen - Jocelyn the Jaw Dropper
    • The Tupac Chopra Center
    • Namendacept
    • X-ray Files
    • Wonderballz

     

    If you are interested in subscribing to the only print medical journal that will make you laugh (on purpose) then just click below:

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6. SCHIP Off The Old Block

 


As a physician I would like everyone to have the opportunity to afford healthcare. For those that have no money then it should be basically free and it is with Medicaid. For older people on a fixed budget it should also be basically free and it is with Medicare. Those are good things. For the rest of us it is either provided in part by our employers or is just way too expensive to get on our own. The working folk get killed on this deal. As for children, I do agree that they ALL need to be covered but it has to be done right. Congress just passed the expansion of the State Children's Health Insurance Program or SCHIP by a margin of 289 to 139. On the surface this really sounds great but the money has got to come from somewhere. Right now they are saying it is coming from cigarette taxes but I don't think that will be nearly enough. The concern that was brought up by the Bush administration in the past is that parents will stop paying insurance to get on the free deal given out by the government. That seems fine if the household income is $40,000 but at what income amount should parents need to start pitching in? According to the recent bill, even at $80,000 parents can stop paying for their kid's insurance and place him or her on the SCHIP deal. You may not remember but this was recently done in Hawaii and it went bankrupt because everyone wanted to save themselves some cash and put their children in line for free healthcare. Though Obama believes that "every child in America (should) have access to affordable health care" it doesn't mean it should be given away for free. We all need to continue to responsible for our fair share. There is no free lunch or free SCHIP.

7.  Finally A New Shipment Of MRSA Shirts Are In!

We have sold out twice now so these will not stay long.  This is the feel good shirt from the makers of the Placebo Journal.   
 

On the front:  "I went to the hospital and all I got was this lousy t-shirt...".
 
On the back:  "...and MRSA".
 
 


(Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery)


CLICK HERE TO ORDER!
 
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8. Feedback About The Placebo Gazette

 

 

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.  Please go to each individual story and follow the link.  If you do not have access to the blog you can also post your thoughts under the WRITE A REVIEW section.   

 

Until next time, keep smiling, keep laughing and keep out of the sample closet.

Doug

King of Medicine   

 

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